I am alone, it is pitch black and the darkness feels cold. My senses are reeling I am have no idea were I am at. I suddenly realize I am naked. I also notice I am in a fetal crouch position, kind of like Demi Moore on the cover of the video 'Striptease'. The bad thing is I am no Demi Moore. I am just a guy that doesn't particularly look good nude. I do clothes a lot better. I want to stand but standing naked just doesn't appeal to me especially since I don't know where I am.
Suddenly I am dressed and standing but it is not the type of clothing I would have chosen. The top is a clinging spandex material that is skintight. The sleeves are just over three quarters length. The pants if you can call them pants are also spandex and skintight. The length comes down to the ankles. Thatís when I realize I am not wearing shoes. I look down to see what I look like but cannot see a thing. The darkness is to think almost like a cloud.
I am afraid to move or step since I cannot really feel a solid floor beneath my feet. It almost feels like there is nothing there yet my feet are not hanging down. I turn my head and twist my torso to see if I can see anything but it seems useless. The dark seems colder now and my ears are buzzing like there is a cold wind blowing but I do not feel the wind.
The odd thing is that I am not getting upset or frighten from my situation I am standing calmly waiting for something to happen. When suddenly like a waterfall of colors objects appear. The sun is shinning and I can feel the sidewalk on which I am standing on beneath my feet. The seen looks familiar but some how not right. I notice the Twin Towers, the Empire state building, Madison Square Garden, Giants Stadium, Yankee Stadium, Shea Stadium, the Statue of Liberty and several other building from New York City. Then it hits me like a chakram to the back of your head. All these place are not this close together something is wrong. I notice as I am walking the street that everything is calm traffic is flowing evenly and the usual chaos that surrounds NYC doesn't exist.
Now I am getting worried. It seems that everything that I have some connection with is here and I am trapped in some weird dimension created by my mind. Who could have created such a place? Why was I chosen to take part in what I can only assume is some experiment for race that is far superior to us as humans.
I look up in the sky and see a flash of blue streaking across the sky. It was just above building height and was not bigger than a man. There were some more weird sights that I was trying to ignore as I walked. Thatís also when I realized I was wearing the black version of Spiderman's costume. Also I noticed I was not the heavyset guy that I see in the mirror but an extremely well defined man. It was kind of spooky to see this but I slowly kept walking and not paying attention to where I was going. When I suddenly stepped out of the city environment into what appeared to be ancient Greece? Things changed and merged together with things that did not belong together.
I looked around and kept walking and the scenery changed again. I was now standing on the steps of a Brown stone apartment building. I walked through the front door and the inside seemed monstrous. I could not believe the size. It was almost like I walked in to Dexter Lab. I felt drawn up the stairs to apartment 2A. I knocked on the door and as it opened Xena And Joan Jett paraphernalia that was covering every conceivable wall space visually assaulted me. I walked in and my friend Carrie greeted as well as Angie. Their lips did not move but I heard their voices in my head. I looked at them confused and they kept on like nothing was strange. They seemed to ignore my strange looks and walking around like I never been there before. Well since I never have been there before it would only make sense.
They dragged me out of the apartment and we quickly went up stairs to apartment 3A. Carrie flung the door open and Josh was immediately was jumping on me and I could not hear him bark or whine. The apartment had cathedral ceilings and pillars and tapestries as well as a huge Roman style bath in the living room. There were several hulking guys that seemed to be oiled up and carrying feather fans. They looked like Roman eunuchs. I was walking about as I got Josh to calm down. I heard Karen and Beth enter the room and greet everyone and I heard them talk with Carrie and Angie. I was to stun to hear the entire conversation but I heard the names Joan Jett, Lucy Lawless, Renee O'Connor. Then I heard something about a concert. I was looking around touching the tapestries looking at the guys and feeling the water in the bath.
I stood up and just wondered what the fuck was going on this was too bizarre. I then noticed T and Jay joined the group. The conversation was buzzing and I just walked around disbelieving what I was seeing. Mark and Pat showed up followed by Ted Raimi, Wonder Woman, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Parker. Yes I was seeing comic book characters. They were actually 3D animation. I was curious to see if I could actually touch them and made my over to Wonder Woman. As I neared Wonder Woman spotted me and her face slightly lit up in recognition and I heard her voice in my head and it sounded a lot like Lynda Carters voice. She said she was happy to see me again and held out her hand. We shook hands and I now knew what cartoons felt like they felt like humans. It was mind blowing. I was about to say something else when peter and Mary Jane came over to say hi. Now I was worried that they would say something about the clothes I was wearing but nothing was said. I don't even think they noticed what I was wearing.
After a few moments talking to the Parkers I moved on and was suddenly whisked out of the apartment. By the time I realized what was happening we were no longer in the apartment building. We were sitting at a table in an outdoor cafť. That happened to be by the ocean. The view was marvelous except for the huge gray ship anchored out off shore. Then I realized that was not any ship it was the Iowa. I also could tell it was steaming on it own power since it had some smoke coming out of the rear stack. I was no longer shocked by what I saw, especially after talking and touching an animated figure.
To get a better idea where I was, I turned to left and saw in the distance the Eiffel tower, the Leaning tower of Pisa and the Roman Coliseum. To my right was everything I saw earlier but a little further away. I shook my head and thought I must be in a coma and have gone insane. This could only be my mind totally strung out. I must have snapped and now I am looked away in this fantasy world that my mind has created.
Thatís when I realized who I was sitting with, cause I heard a Lucy Lawless's voice with that New Zealand accent in my head asking me if I would like another Fosters. I muttered a yes and not really knowing what was going on when I glanced at who was sitting at the table. I assumed it would be everyone from moments ago but it wasn't. Lucy sat directly across from me at the circular table. To my left were Carrie, Karen, and Renee. I notice that there was a problem between Karen and Carrie about who was sitting next to Renee. To my right from Lucy toward me sat Hudson Leick, Ted Raimi, and Phil Simms. I was suddenly having memory flashes about Sesame Street. The conversation was rolling along and it was not even remotely Xena related which I found odd but not as odd as the topic that was being discussed. Everyone was talking about hockey. Phil knew way too much about every team and was reciting stats and tendencies of teams. I was amazed and I thought he was just a football guy.
I stayed out of the conversation mostly except I interjected a point here and there. I was trying not to stare at Renee, Lucy and Hudson, because I noticed they were wearing leather outfits that were tight and revealing. My beer came and I started swilling the beer to keep everything mellow. When suddenly the room started spinning around me, my chair turned 180 degrees and the rest of the room spun wildly. I could not believe the colors and then it suddenly stopped.
I was standing now looking at a crowd of people who were in front of a stage. I was standing by myself on a platform, so I looked around and spotted people I knew. Carrie and Karen were up front next to the stage. Along with Lucy Hudson and Renee. The Parkers were in the crowd. Ted was talking with Dan Freeman and my brother walked up to them. I also noticed several skyboxes in this large room. It seemed like there were several snobbish celebrities in them except the one that was packed with half naked woman and Hugh Hefner. That on looked happening. I was thinking how do I get up there.
Suddenly spots focused on a figure that walked in it was Howard Stern The crowd cheered and he was ushered up to an area that had been roped off. The rest of the Stern show arrived moments later and the crowd cheered again. Robin, Jackie, Fred, and Gary were ushered up to Howard. It appeared that they are going to do a show. I could not believe what was going on, this was more like a carnival atmosphere.
I looked back at the stage and the area seemed to change again. The stage was huge with a lot of lighting rigs. There was a drum kit in the rear portion of the stage and huge stacks of amps and speakers flanked it. It looked like it could be painfully loud. On the front portion of the stage there are four microphone stands set up. The very front of the stage had a lot of personal amps set up.
Now the crowd was full and everyone I saw earlier were still in place, in the huge open space. On the far left and right were fully stocked bars with three bartenders each. At the bar on my left are Woody Sam and Carla. The bar on my right has Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Sammy Davis Jr. I could not grasp why those guys would be tending bar but it almost seem apropos. Howard seemed to be having fun doing a show and Hugh's skybox was rocking.
I finally took a moment to see where I was standing. I was standing there next to the soundboard. It was the largest board set I have ever seen. Actually it was two huge systems back to back. Three guys were setting dials and seemed very busy when I heard on guy say to me, how was the security going. I was a little stunned when I noticed the badges hanging around my neck. The badges had all access and head of security. I responded with fine and the guy laughed and replied it is going to be insane tonight. I smiled and figured I better move on and check out what was happening.
I took one step and I was now by the Stern stage area. I figured they would give me some flack for being around but Gary waved to me and smiled. I guess it was okay to be here. I stood around and looked about trying to be menacing. Howard and Robin were both verbally assaulting Ralph. Ralph sat there and took it and Howard brought out some hot looking woman she went over to Ralph and started kissing him and pulling off his pants. I was confused if this was a punishment then I want to be punished. In a matter of seconds Ralph was naked and had an erection. The girl was working him real good. She then Turn Ralph around and was kissing him from behind. She stood up and forced Ralph to lean forward against the wall as she pulled up her dress and tore off her panties with one motion. I was amazed by this but was shocked by what I saw next. The woman was hung like a horse. She spit on Ralph's ass and the next second she is balls deep in his ass and screaming like a girl. I could not stop laughing. The next thought was I don't want to be punished not at all. As I wonder if she was going to give Ralph a reach around she did. Now I knew it was time to leave.
As I turned I found my self in front of a closed door. I opened the door and it led into Hugh's skybox. Hugh had his current three girlfriends hanging all over him. The place was packed with half naked women and across the room was a small bar and behind the bar was Jenny McCarthy. I walked through the crowd of women who seemed to reach out to me and touch me as they said hello. They all knew who I was which was odd but cool at the same time. Jenny looked at me pulled out a bottle of water and opened it and handed it to me and said here you go stud. I think I was blushing as I tried to remain cool and in control. I immediately thought of Ralph getting anally assaulted and I calmed down.
I talked to Jenny for a few minutes and she was complaining that with all her sleeping around she could not get a TV deal and she complained how bad they all were in bed. I was thinking I don't need to hear this. So I said good-bye and I would catch up with her later and she said you could count on. My mind shifted to Ralph screaming again and I was fine. I took another step and I was on the left side of the stage and I was wearing a headset with a mike. I looked out and saw my friends and then I walked out on the stage and looked out at the crowd, which seemed to have gotten bigger. People were crowd surfing towards the back but everything seemed calm.
My head set had chatter back and forth between numerous points around the area and I was not really paying much attention to what was being said until I heard my name followed by "These girls say they know you". I looked out to my friend and walked to the edge of the stage. I looked down at Karen and Carrie who were hanging with Renee, Lucy and Hudson. And I said just hang here and after the show I will take care of you guys. Everyone smiled and thanked me. I then turned to the security guy and said keep an eye on those two especially they are freaks. I pointed at Karen and Carrie. Carrie answered back no way. I smiled and walked away. Then I spoke into the mike and told the guy to make sure nobody fucked with them as I made my way towards the right side of the stage. I had no idea what I was doing.
Suddenly was over at the bar and watching Frank, Dean and Sammy work. They seemed like a well oil machine as they moved effortlessly behind the bar serving drinks singing old tunes and joking. It was strange. Then I was over at the other bar and Woody and Carla were working and Sam was hitting on what seemed like every woman in sight. I shook my head and I was back at the soundboard. Then my head came alive and my presence was needed back stage.
As soon as the voice stopped I was back stage. My brother was there and my bud Danny was there. Well it is almost time for the show and Joan wants to make an unusual entrance. So here is the plan you three guys Steve Dan and Anthony escort Joan around back to the rear of the hall. Then you escort Joan through the crowd to the front of the stage. The gate will open for you and Steve you will need to get down on one knee and hold up a hand like you were holding a platter and Joan will step up onto the stage Dan and Anthony will move along side Joan as she is climbing up. Oh and she will be miked so she will be talking and playing guitar. I shook my head and we were off we lead Joan around the outside of the hall. I had no idea were I was going I just was guessing. Anthony said okay we are here.
In the headset I heard the bands on stage. I heard the drums and then I heard multiple guitars. I looked at Joan and she was not playing yet. The crowd was going crazy. Then I heard okay bring her in. I opened the doors and realized we had to go about the length of a football field. I started walking and Joan started playing and singing but it wasn't one of her songs it was Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin. The crowd parted as I walked towards the stage and gave us plenty of room to get through.
We made it to the stage and I got into position and Joan stepped up like we had done it a million times before. I stood up and smiled at Anthony and Dan with a 'we are fucking too cool' look on my face. Then suddenly I was at the left side of the stage and I was looking out at who was playing. Joan was singing and her bass player and guitarist were out there along with her drummer. Then I noticed Lita Ford playing guitar on my side of the stage. On the far side there was Jimmy Page. I was trying to figure out what promoter got this together. Then I figured it was not worth trying to understand just enjoy the show.
Suddenly the show was over and everyone was saying thank you New York and goodnight. The show just started I was thinking to myself. The house lights when on and the crowd started to thin out. The roadies went to work breaking everything down. I headed out on the stage to collect Carrie Karen Lucy Renee and Hudson. As I jumped off the stage Carrie was screaming I can't believe they played for three and a half hours. It was incredible. I loved how you got Joan on the stage. "Well that is how you guys are getting up there." I walked them to an area were the gate could open. I got in position and one by one they climbed on stage. When Renee was up on stage I stood up since she was last and hopped up like the four foot height was nothing. I then escorted them toward the direction I saw everyone else go.
We went through a door, which I assumed everyone else went and so I opened the door and it lead to a huge ballroom. Here you are ladies. I held up my arms out toward the room and the filed past me when someone smacked my ass. I looked and could not tell which one had done it so I shook my head and thought women. In a matter of seconds they were mixed into the small crowd of guests for the after concert party.
There were two bars much like the concert area and the same people were tending bar. I smiled and walked into the room and noticed Howard and Company were now set up and broadcasting from the after party location. Ralph was still naked and lying on the floor quivering. I could not help but laugh as I walked further in when I saw Jenny and she came up and grabbed my crotch. Blood was quickly diverted to that region but all I could think of was all the TV execs she has been banging recently. I just did not want to go there any time soon. So I told her I had to go talk to my brother.
As I was walking Nikki Tyler suddenly pulled me away and Christy Canyon was with her. They managed to get me in a corner and were moving their hands up and down my body. Up periscope I thought. I was enjoying what was happening here. The weird thing is these women do all kinds of nasty things for videos with tons of guys and I have no problem thinking about having sex with them but sex with Jenny was a turn off. I can't figure it out. No use thinking about it now I was going to get some now from two hot women.
I started hearing music that I did not hear before. Christy and Nikki kept feeling me up as the music was distracting me. It was almost like the music was pulling away from were I was. I did not want to go but the music was getting louder and clearer. It was a woman singing "You're going down, you're going down". It repeated a couple of times then suddenly the room swirled and disappeared and I was lying on a bed and I could hear the music very clear now. I was alone in my room as my alarm was going off and Mel C was playing. Thatís when I realized it was all a dream.
I sat there and wonder if I could have more like that. Maybe who knows a persons subconscious works in strange ways. All we can do is sleep and see what happens.
This site was last updated 12/23/02