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The sound of the alarm going off echoes in my head I reach over and turn it off.  I slowly roll to the edge of bed and swing my legs over the side as my upper body rises.  The annoying voices in my head start rambling telling me what to do but I pay no attention to them I know what I have to do right now.  I stand up and move to the kitchen of my small apartment.  I reach for my body building supplements and the creatine serum.  I look up at the clock in the kitchen and it tells me it is 4:35.  It took me five minutes to get out of bed.  I am going to have to do better than that.  Then the voices get louder as they berate me.  I don't care cause I can feel the creatine energizing my body.

I walk out of the kitchen and it my weight room.  I look about and check my schedule that I have posted on a nearby wall.  I find the date and what I have scheduled for the workout.  It is back and biceps.  I love to work out cause it is the only time that I truly escape from the voices.  I start to set up the machine and I start my work out.

The beeper goes off on the stationary bike and I am brought back into reality.  I look over at a clock I have on the wall and I see I have completed everything in just over two hours.  The voices in my head start to grumble and demand things.  I try to ignore them as I go and move to the shower.  I look in the mirror at my sweaty naked body and I am disgusted by what I see.  Some voices scream out how useless I am.  Others try to tell me I am at four percent body fat and I am in great shape.  I just see a person standing there that doesn't look as good as they should.  The shower drowns out some of the voices but I still hear them.

As I am drying off from the shower I put on deodorant and a little hand lotion to prevent my hands from drying out.  My hands need to be good shape to handle my toys.  I move into the bedroom and dress in jeans and an extremely tight tank top.  Over the tank top I put on a double extra large mock turtleneck long sleeve shirt.   I look in the mirror and see my hair is getting long.  I need to get it cut.

I walk over to a shrine I have made of the girl of my dreams.  I gaze at pictures of her and I turn on the CD player and listen to her sweet voice as she sings.  In all the pictures she is gorgeous.  The rest of the band should look more like her instead of the trashy whores they are.  I reach out and trace the outline of her face and her name escapes my lips "Erica".  I long to be near her.  Some day she will be mine but right now I have business to take care of.  I grab the Redwings cap hangs above the shrine right next to the Knicks hat that I managed to acquire from my love.  I adjusted the Redwings cap on my head as I got a final look at Erica.

I walk out into the living room and unlock two large trunks.  One trunk contains all my toys and the other contained the 'batteries'.  I looked for a second and decided I would need the scope and the sniper rifle I purchased a few years back.  This should take care of the problem that I have to correct today.  I sat down and I started to clean the gun and disassemble it to carry out of my apartment.  My mind wondered back to the Thursday morning when I saw the van pull away from Erica's gorgeous home.  Only three girls were in the van and Erica was driving.  I sat in my truck and watched them drive by and head to New York.  Who knew that would be major turning point in my life.

I finished putting the rifle in the gig bag that is set up to hold my toys.  I lock up my trunks and head for the door.  The voices seem excited at what I must do.  I hear the whispers as they talk among themselves.  Today I am going to make the men who drove my girl from me pay.  I got in my truck and drove to the beach municipal center.  The men were to be arraigned today.  I was not going to miss this opportunity to have my revenge.

I pulled my truck near an exit of the court building.  I casually got into the back of my truck I closed the cap and slide the glass door on the cap open.  I put together my toy and saw that I had a clear view to the front of the court building.  I saw a truck pull in with three men in it and a Mercedes followed it.  I knew it was them.  They parked and stopped in front of the courthouse.  I looked into the scope and saw each man. Then I saw several other people behind them.  I pulled the trigger and the first man fell I loaded the second shell and fired and the second man dropped.  I loaded again dropped the third people looked around and I kept loading and firing.  People were dropping like flies.  The voices were chanting and urging me on my adrenalin was flowing and the sight of people dying only thrilled me more.  I only stopped when the cartridge was empty. 

I casually swept the shells in the gig bag and broke the rifle down and placed it in the bag.  I saw people screaming and running about cops were running about looking for some one pointing a gun.  I climbed through the window from the back into the cab.  I started the truck and casually pulled out.  I drove back to my apartment.  The voices were cheering and urging me to kill again.  I kept it together until I got into my apartment.  I then succumbed to the voices and collapsed to the floor.  I was balled up in the fetal position and crying trying to make the voices stop.

After several hours I was able to get up and I moved over to the telephone to make a call.  I dialed the number.  The answering machine picked up.  I was jealous of the voice on the other end but I respected the man.  He always treated Erica with the respect that she deserved and he was there to help her.  I wish I could be him and be near her.  The message ends and I leave my message mine, "I cleaned up your loose ends.  I hope to see you soon".

I place the phone back down and walked into the kitchen.  I needed a drink to relax.  The voices had calmed down.  I poured a glass of OJ and sat down.  I guess I need to thinking about what's next.  I put the glass in the sink.  I walked into the bedroom and walked over to the shrine.  The voices started booming in my head they were getting louder as I moved closer to the shrine.  I tried to block them but they were too loud and persistent to ignore.  I traced Erica's face with my fingers as tears streamed down my face.  The words flowed from my lips; "We will be together soon my love.  Nothing can keep us apart much longer".

I sat looking at the pictures for hours.  I finally got stiffened up and I lay down to sleep.  Sleep was not a friend it always brought images of Erica and it reminded me that she wasn't mine.  I tossed and turned most of the night and then the alarm went off and I was up and starting another day.  They voices were also awake.

My work out lasted just over two and a half hours.  I took a shower and dressed it seems I dress in the same clothes everyday.  It's just that I have a lot of the same clothes.  I then walked over to the shrine and touched Erica face.  The voices were screaming that she would never be yours.  My inner voice was screaming back that she would.  The tears were streaming again.  I grabbed for the Redwings hat and sniffed back some tears.  I wiped my eyes and headed to the living room.

I broke out a hand truck that I kept and put one of my trunks on it.  I then wheeled out the trunk to my truck and loaded it into the back.  I locked the truck and headed back to the apartment.  I loaded the next trunk and headed to the truck.  I put the trunk into the back of the truck.  I locked the truck and went back to the apartment.  I went into the bedroom and packed my clothes.  I packed several pictures and my camera.  I locked everything up and went to the truck.  I was on my way to her.

I stopped at a gas station before I got on the highway.   I filled the tank up and paid for the gas.  The voices were urging me to call.  I succumbed to the voices and I dialed the number.  The machine answered the call.  I left a message, " I am coming to be with you we were meant to be together".  I hung up the phone and went back to the truck and pulled out of the gas station.  I was on my way and the voices in my head seemed.  I tried to maintain and drive.

The drive was taking me forever.  I had to pull over several times just to get the voices to calm down.  As I was getting closer they seemed to get louder and it was getting harder to concentrate.   I finally made it to Sayville and got a room in the Motor lodge.  I brought my clothes into the room and curled up in the bed and tried to calm the voices in my head.  I never moved from the bed for the rest of the night.  The voices did calm down finally almost like they got tired.

The morning came and I got out of bed and went to the shower.  I dressed and sat on the bed.  I broke out a map of Suffolk County.  Through the years I was able to get the address of Vic Carmece.  He lived here in Sayville.  I looked at the map and saw I was real close to his house.  I grabbed a coat and headed out.  I drove to the house and I saw Vic leaving.  He pulled out with his shiny blue Intrepid.  The Van was in the driveway.  I had found the place now I needed a place to do some surveillance.   There were a couple of places to park where I could watch the house.  I looked at my watch and noticed it was about nine in the morning.  Then I realized it was already December.  Time has flown by.  It was another Thanksgiving alone and I am not going to spend another Christmas with out her.  I pulled away and I needed to get something to eat.

Not to far from the motel I found a 7 Eleven.  I got a large coffee a buttered roll and a pack of Parliaments.  Erica smoked these so they had to be good.  I went back to my room and plotted my strategy to watch Erica's every move so I could talk to her and make her mine.  I sat looking at the map and learning the streets name and ways around Sayville.  I then drove around the town and the surrounding areas.   By the time I got back to the motel it was late.  The voices were starting in and I needed to lie down.  I undressed and tried to sleep.

The morning came and I woke up and did pushups and stomach crunches.  I took my supplements and showered.  I got dressed and grabbed my camera and binoculars.  I got in my truck and headed to 7 eleven for some coffee and a roll.  I drank some of the coffee in the parking lot and ate the roll.  I then started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.

I drove past the house and noticed Vic's car was gone the Van was still there.  I lit a cigarette and took the binoculars out.  I could see in the front window.  Erica was walking around and seemed to be talking to the other whores.  Erica looked dressed and she was grabbing some stuff.  I couldn't make it out.  Suddenly the three of them came out of the front door.  They all got in the van I put the binoculars down and started the truck.  The Van pulled out of the driveway and headed in the opposite direction.  I turned the truck around to trail them.

I followed Erica for about a half hour then they finally stopped at the mall I think it is the Smith Haven Mall.  I was taking note of where the mall was located.  They pulled into the parking lot and headed into the mall.  I parked a few aisles over and parked.  I grabbed my camera and suddenly the voices in head were screaming.  They wanted me to get a gun.  They were getting louder so to quiet them I quickly opened the back and manage to quickly get a 9mm.    I managed to follow the girls since they were slowed down because Erica and Jenna both lit up a cigarette.

I managed to get near and moved close by.  I followed the girls into the mall.  I walked about and took several pictures of Erica looking in various stores.  I t seems they were shopping for Christmas gifts.  At times I was close enough to here them talk.  I heard Erica say how much she needed to get a new leather jacket.  As she was looking at several types of jackets trying to decide which she liked better?  Then after several hours the girls started buying a lot of clothes.  I can only assume the need clothes still from losing everything they owned from the fire.

Being this close to Erica was hard and the voices kept taunting me.  Suddenly I found my self in Macy's and one of the clerks was giving Erica some attitude and I was getting furious.  Erica moved quickly on and I followed the clerk.  He went on a break and went to the back area of the store. Put on a pair of gloves that I had.  I watched him go out to smoke a cigarette.  I waited inside and noticed that it was fairly a good distance from the main store and with the Christmas music playing outside it would mask the gunfire.  The guy came back and I quickly moved in and pumped two shots into his gut.  I picked up the shells and walked away.  The thick down jacket he was wearing kept blood from splashing back on me.

I walked out of the mall and headed back to the motel.  The sensation of killing that guy was too much.  I enjoyed it too much and now I wanted to do it again.  I got to my room and lay on the bed and curled up in the fetal position.  The voices kept taunting me to kill some more.  The sun has been down for some time and my stomach was grumbling.

I managed to get up and I washed my face in the bathroom.  I put on my jacket and I went in search for something to eat.  I found a Pizzeria.  I went in and ordered two slices and a medium coke.  I never had pizza like this before.  People in New York had it so good.  The voices were starting to make them selves known.  This time they seemed to alert me to a group of kids who had walked in and were talking loud.  I just continued to eat and seem like I was not paying them any attention.  They were talking about a van that was all done up.  One of them was saying there were all kinds of musical gear in it.  The amazing thing was there was no alarm system on it.  My ears were buzzing and I knew they were planning of hitting it tonight.  I finished and left.

I found my self near the house and I got a silencer out of my trunks.   I saw a car come near and it turned it lights off as it coasted in.  I saw two guys one in the driver seat and the other in the passenger seat both guys got out of the car and head over to the van.  One guy broke out a Slim Jim.  I pulled the gun out and pointed at the one closer to me and fired.  I kept the gun in the cabin so the shell stayed in.  The first guy dropped as I hit him in the head.  The second guy turned and I squeezed another shot off and it caught the guy in the face.  I squeezed another quick shot and he dropped.  The noise was minimal so I started up my truck and drove away.

Back at the motel I picked up the shells in my truck and went into my room.  I lay down on the bed and it was becoming clearer that it was getting easier and easier to kill people.  This could not be good.  I was enjoying it and the voices seemed to be winning they were getting their way and that could not be good.  The voices were screaming at me and I just wanted them to stop.  I started to curl up on the bed and I started crying pleading for the voices to stop.  I lay there and wept for several hours and finally I fell asleep.

 The next few days went by like a blur. I watched Erica I took pictures and killed more people.  The local news channels were reporting each murder and there were no suspects or a clue of who was behind these violent acts.  They had a police profiler on and they were leaning towards a serial killer who was using a very common 9mm.  The voices in my head seemed very happy that the police had no clue and they kept constantly pressuring me to kill again and again.

After another week I was making phone calls.  I left messages all professed my love for Erica.  Then the police put together the calls and the murders and were constantly over at Erica's.  It was getting harder to get near Erica.  The voices in my head kept pressuring me to get closer but I couldn't so to satiate them I was forced to kill.  I was killing at random now.  I let the voices pick the victims.  I would follow the voices and they would fight amongst themselves but finally they would pick some one and it would quite down.

Some how on the latest victim there was a witness.  The description was that the news was reporting was a male with light brown hair cut short with a medium build.  Height was given as five foot ten.  Well they were close but no cigar.  I figured it was time to change my look.  I guess I have to dress like a girl.  The last time I did it I dressed like a hooker for Halloween.

I got my self to a store.  They all seem the same.  Pushy sales people trying to sell stuff and they always give me the strange look like why is that person buying those clothes.  Even when I tell them they are for my sister the expressions don't change.  The voices are screaming saying they want them dead but I can't do a thing about it.  I take all the stuff back to my room and start the make over.

After an hour with some mouse make up and chick clothes I look like a girl.  I don't feel comfortable like this and the voices in my head are making feel even more uncomfortable.  I don't think I am going to be able to pull this off.  I leave my room and I can feel the eyes of everyone on me.  I can feel them staring at me.  I get in my truck and pull out of the parking lot.  I drive past Erica's and there is a police car sitting out front.  I got to do something about those police.

I kept driving trying to think about what I could do when the voices kept saying frame some one and have them commit suicide.  It sounded good I would have to work some details.  I drove about and grabbed a bite to eat at a White Castle I had found in my travels.  I found that White Castle quieted the voices but it was hard on my stomach so I could not eat it that often.

The evening came and I lay in my bed thinking about I could pull off the murder suicide.  The voices were gone The White Castle had worked.  The plan was simple I find two people one who vaguely resembles the description of the cops.  I kill one and make the second look like a suicide.  All I have to do is call and let Erica know what I plan so the cops will know what to look for.  A smile crept across my face and I was easily able to fall asleep.

The morning came and I saw that it was December 23.   It was almost Christmas and she was going to be mine.  I spent the day looking around aimlessly.  I was just letting myself go wherever the voices directed me.  I landed up in a town called Commack.  The sun has set and I stopped in a strip mall for something to eat.  I could feel everyone staring at me.  I was dressed like a girl and it felt like they could tell I shouldn't be dressed like this.  I grabbed a slice of pizza and a medium coke.  I sat and thought about how great it would be to sit and have a meal with Erica.  Then to talk to her about her day and to hold her close, it was only a day till I was going to make her mine.

I finished eating and then I went over to a pay phone in the parking lot.  I dialed up the Erica and I waited for an answer.  The answering machine picked up.  I waited for the message to end.  I started talking saying that it would end tonight and that I was tired of living with out her.  I heard the phone pick up.  Erica's voice came across the line asking me what I meant.  I whispered that I love her and I always had.  I hung up the phone and walked away. A tear streamed downs my face as I walked back to my truck.

As I got to the truck the voice started to scream kill, kill.  I looked over at the bookstore that had closed earlier.  There were several people over there.  One guy stood out as the perfect guy that I was looking for.  I grabbed the gun I had been using with the silencer.  I put on a pair of surgical gloves that I used when I cleaned my guns.  I moved quickly over and the prey was still there.  I managed to move in close behind him and shove the gun under his chin and I pulled the trigger.  He dropped like a sack.  There was only one person in view and I squeezed two more shots and that man dropped.  I placed the gun in the first mans hand and avoided the blood that was pooling up.  I made a quick exit and headed back to my motel.

In my motel room I undress and checked the clothes for blood.  I did not see any.  I placed the clothes in a bag that I was going to burn.  The voices in my head were enjoying this and I was just going about like I was doing everyday chores.  When I finished I sat on the bed and looked at all the pictures I had taken of Erica recently and old ones I had.  She was beautiful.  I fell asleep holding the pictures thinking about my love.

I woke up and turned on the local news channel.  They were pronouncing the end of the serial killer.  They went on to explain that the latest victim was the last since the killer apparently committed suicide after making his last kill. The alleged killer has a long list of mental illness as well as a criminal record for stalking.  I can't believe what I see and hear.  It is the strangest coincidence that I picked some psycho I guess I should be rewarded.  I whacked a freak.

I got up and took a shower.  I had the feeling that things were going to go my way.  The voices seemed to be quiet and I felt relaxed.  I dried off after the shower and dressed.  I dressed in my clothes not those chick clothes.  I felt very comfortable.  I turned off the TV.  I knew the stores would be open early to capitalize on the last minute shoppers for Christmas.  So I headed out to my truck.  I drove out of the parking lot and headed for Erica's.

I drove by and saw that Erica was out side with Christy and Jenna.  They were hanging what looked to be speakers outside the front door.  I drove down several blocks and made a U-turn.  I headed back pass the house slowly and the speakers were pumping out Christmas music. Erica looked especially good. She had on tight jeans and a leather jacket.  Her cheeks were rosy from the cold air.  She was smiling and I was almost lost in her eyes.  I had to shake myself out of it and keep driving.

I drove myself to the mall where I made my first kill.  I could still feel the thrill of killing that guy.  I went into the mall and went to the Hallmark card store and picked up a real romantic Christmas card.  I paid for the card and headed out to find the perfect gift.  I spent several hours looking for the perfect gift trying to avoid the pushing and shoving.  Then I found the perfect gift which actually the perfect gifts.  They were in the collectibles shop.  The first was a large plaque with six pictures all signed by Renee O'Conner.  Each picture showed how she looked for each season for Xena.  If there were going to be a season seven she surely would have been naked.  The second was a plaque with a picture of Sergei Federov holding the Stanley Cup.  The picture was signed.

I paid for the gifts and made my out of the store and to the gift-wrap center.  The line was long but I waited cause I wanted the gift to look just right for Erica.  While I was waiting I took the card out and started to fill it out.  Below the Romantic sentiment I started to write about how I felt:


The first time I saw you my heart fluttered.  I had never felt like this before.  I knew it must be love.  I know we have never truly met but I have been near you more times than I can count and I could remember each as if they were yesterday.  Every time I look into your eyes I feel like a helpless child.  I just want to be with you forever so I ask you to grant my one Christmas wish and be mine forever.


                                                                Love Always


                                     Chris Newman


 I finished the card just as I was called up to have my gifts wrapped.  The lady who was wrapping the gift did a real nice job.  She put both gifts in a big box and quickly wrapped in a nice paper and made a bow and attached the card I had.  The gift looked great.  Gave her a five-dollar tip for the job she did.

I headed out of the mall and made my way to my truck.  Amazingly the voices were quiet and I drove my truck out of the mall parking lot and I headed to the pizza place near the motel.  When I got there they were still open there were a lot of people getting pizzas ordering pizzas and eating at the tables.  I looked at my watch and noticed it was five pm.  I can't believe how fast the day went by.  I ordered a calzone and waited for it to be heated up.  When the calzone was done I picked up an ice tea.  I headed back to my room to eat. 

I ate the calzone and watched some TV.  I was floating on cloud nine since I was going to see the girl of my dreams and make her mine.  As I finished my dinner I cleared the garbage and lay down on the bed.  I was trying to make sense of what has transpired over the last few weeks.  I finally felt like I was thinking clearly.  I could not even think why I never just went up to Erica when I first seen her.  I don't understand why I have been on a killing spree to some how prove I was worthy of her love.  Then as suddenly as the moment of clarity came it was gone.  The voices were back and I could not recall what I had been thinking.  I stretched and was comforted by the voices as I fell asleep.

I woke up and looked at the clock in the room and it was 11:45 pm.  I got up and took another shower.  I quickly dried off and dressed.  I put on my Redwings hat and leather jacket.  I headed out of my room and started my truck.  I pulled out of the parking lot and headed to Erica's.  The gift was in the on the seat next to me.  I pulled the truck up to the front of the house and there were a few lights on in the house.  I figured they would be up opening presents.  My heart was jumping like crazy.  I grabbed the gift and headed to the door.

As I walked along the walkway I looked into the front window.   I saw a huge tree beautifully decorated.  Then I looked past the tree and I saw Erica on the couch, except she was curled up in the arms of Vic.  Even though they were only sleeping there on the couch my excitement turned to anger and I dropped the gift and headed to my truck I quickly opened the back and climbed in and opened a trunk.  I pulled out my Glok.  I grabbed the ammo from the other trunk.  I closed everything up.   I headed to the front door and it was unlocked.

I quietly opened the door and stepped in.  The voices were screaming in my head to kill Vic.  I moved in close and pointed the gun at his head but couldn't pull the trigger.  Something deep inside wouldn't let me do it.  So I pulled the gun back and smacked him on the head to make sure he wasn't getting up for some time.  Erica did not move.  I moved around the couch on her side and I grabbed her by the neck and pulled her up.  I saw her eyes open in fear.  I threw her onto the floor and climbed on top to pin her to the floor.  I had the gun waving around her face.  I felt the blood rushing through my body.  The feeling was intense and electrifying.

"You are nothing but a little fucking whore!  To think that I loved you!" I screamed.  Then I moved my face closer and spoke in a low harsh voice, "You are just like the rest throwing your self at any guy that is willing to show a little attention."  I raised my freehand and smacked her as hard as I could.  Blood started flowing from her lip.  Then I heard noise coming from the hall.  I looked over and saw the other whores and I pointed the gun and fired, both women dropped and I saw blood splatter on the wall as they fell back into the hallway out of site.

Erica was crying and trying to squirm free.  I smacked her again and the blood started to flow faster.  Strangely this excited me.  Forcibly kissed her lips and tasted the blood.  It tasted sweet.  The voices were raging wanting more.  I sat up on her and she was crying and bleeding I moved enough to get a better look at her body.  I saw he lovely breasts heaving as she cried and I wanted to see them.  I tore away her shirt and she was wearing a lacy black bra.  I looked at her marvelous mounds and I just needed to touch them.  The voices were guiding me.

I heard movement from Vic and I looked in his direction and saw him waking.  I pointed the gun in his direction.  This time I was going to shoot.  The voices wanted this.  I heard three shots but I don't remember pulling the trigger.  Oh I guess that means I was shot.  The voices fell silent and suddenly everything went black.

"Holy shit what happened!" Erica screamed, as the person fell and was bleeding from the head.

"Well I think we found the real stalker," Jenna said as she held a gun in her hand and was bleeding from her left arm.

Vic was holding his head as he looked about the room.  "Holy shit we got a dead guy in the room!  What the fuck happened?"  Vic said.

 Erica climbed up away from the body and moved to the couch.  Jenna checked on Christy who was bleeding from a wound in her side.  Jenna pulled her shirt off to help stop the bleeding.

"Vic call an ambulance Christy got a nice hole in her thanks to our friend there."  Jenna shouted.

"I am on it Jenna," Vic shouted back.

"Don't worry she is going to be fine she is a survivor," Jenna told them.

Christy moved and looked up at Jenna and smiled.  "We have some fucked up lives here don't we?"

Jenna laughed and shook her head in agreement.  Vic hung up the phone and spoke out " The cops and an ambulance are on the way."  Vic moved over to Erica who had not moved.  Vic gave her his shirt. So she could cover up.  Then he went over to the body and pulled out the wallet from the back pocket.  Vic looked at the Virginia drivers' license and saw the name and address and began to read aloud.  "The stalker's name is Chris Newman from Norfolk.  He was born in seventy two."  Vic paused and finally finished speaking, "Holy shit Chris is a woman"



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This site was last updated 12/23/02